knocking one against the other
a rib cage wide
enough for a belly
to whimper
 and want to
see a tall man
sleeping

must be
 feeling appreciated
 on the A train
selling candies
and shaping
your cheeks
   to be like Edison's

I know my eyes
but I can't
softly say
my eyes
and you
fall asleep
with me
I can't help

I didn't know she died of you
that day we walked her on the beach-
her midnight blue, lycra pantsuit
swishing as her legs cut toward to water.
Off to the side my flannel bottoms stayed
tucked into winter boots.
The moist sand gave way beneath her weight.
The waves lapped at thin ankles,
bulging calves, stretched thighs,
round-melon bottom,
paunch, chest, jawline
hairline.
You must have been back on the rug by then.

That rough skin is always showing
knotted mind and wolf teeth
rotting in a coke jar.
I've walked through your rooms,
always mattresses on floors.
Now toes wedged in hammock strings
and maps on the wall,
all caribbean colors-
but when will you let your nails grow?

Omega

Years ago I thought I might hide in the pantry
as my children burst through the door
shouting for pudding snacks.
Now, seeing your splotchy face, teeth stretching out for air,
your eyes averting mine,
I know to fear a smothering love
that might take me over,
as I try to peel the stripes from your shirt.

The numbers fleeing your mouth
-small, grimacing-
 are
a forest of fog.
One mind at a time
the titles say,
but you could one day be
a Man in a Meeting
and the gutter punks drink church coffee
outside my apartment door.

Dough folded into notes
your mother passes from the back of the kitchen
grow your hair out long-
shutter the gates tomorrow -
Plump lips,
pillowy ears
passed down to you,
pressed on to you
in some cloud before time.

East

In the stairwell
with pearls:
your heaving
your lost inventory
your secret taxi routes
your park bench days.
I'd outline
the shape of you
in india ink
if you weren't so paranoid.

Anchor

Are you out there with your

soft hair and hair brush?

We sat by the creek but it was too loud to hear each other.

We walked arm in arm through meadows.

We rolled on carpets, cleaned nightly by men.

I loved your lisp

the last time I saw you, when i didn't know how to be proper.

It made you seem like an old friend, new.

You were a master of: the sloppy bun,

stepping on the backs of my shoes 

as we headed back in from the yard,

reporting to me from the table just feet 

away from where I sat

the purple eyeshadow makes it look like someone punched you.

Now you are a mother

I think.

Before you came over, I made a list 

of reasons why we should be friends

and you thought it was strange 

that my house had no curtains.

31.1

I fall back in love with you 

when you are choking on miso soup

next to me on the mini couch.

Your head always in your hands

your hands always on your head.

You flip old pages 

and always leave your keys on. 

Landline

Rest the phone on your broken collar bone

and explain to me again why we can't meet

in the streets of Highland. 

I want to see you in your sweatpants,

I want to buy a van with you, to live in,

once we get our driver's license.

I've never met an aries whose hand I couldn't hold,

but your neck's gotten wider as the years pass

and there's the soft sound of soapy water 

shaken in the bottle.

i would guess your hair is curly

like the letters in your name.

Your love left a code of threat

on your would-be lover's wall.

He rests now against the tree

as the snow gives way beneath my weight.

How did it take so long to realize

my steady feet are planted on the 

strong, soft, freckled shoulders of 

the women who came before me? 

A song whispered from one ear to the next

 and he is still two flights behind.

You say the hedgehog kept away the scorpions.

I show you how to bend in the hallway

or I could if I weren't scared of your answer.

A folded piece of paper and

every outcome is no.

You stack cubes into an L and shoot at me then

your arms reach high to drape on mother.

Your back presses hard against the wall,

or into my hand as I push you up the stairs.